Articles

Reflection: The Mirror Doesn’t Lie

The most successful people in the world are great at becoming efficient.  Now, with efficient, I don’t mean they are grinding 24/7 and never have fun.  Rather, that they reduce distractions and complete what they need to.  To reach our goals and build a better life we often have to make changes.  The only way we’ll know what changes to make is through reflection.  We must honestly and objectively look at our lives and review what is beneficial and what is detrimental to our future.  Often, we find that we have certain vices or weaknesses we give into which do not align with the greater good.  These predominantly are short term gratifications which provide a quick dopamine boost but do not actually align with the long-term vision.  Common examples of these bad habits consist of unhealthy/binge eating, excessive alcohol or drug use, gambling, oversleeping, sedentary lifestyle, or uncontrolled social media use.  In moderation these are often not a problem, however, if you find that these are consistently preventing you from being productive and completing what you need to then a huge problem exists.  An interesting predicament arises here.  It is common to feel over worked or burnt out and because of such exhaustion you find yourself needing a break and opt for one of the vices above.  However, in reality, these unhealthy vices often set you back more than they move you forward.  These unhealthy vices can leave you feeling lethargic or sluggish the following day and hence take two days of possible productivity.  Now, I want to reiterate that I am not condoning never taking a day off because a healthy day full of exercising, relaxation, or spending time with loved ones can be quite rejuvenating and just the reset you needed.  However, if you are opting to do something because you simply need a break from the craziness, don’t opt for something that doesn’t actually help you recover.

We’ve all heard the saying “work hard now so you can relax later.”  To an extent I agree, but it’s not just work hard it’s also work smart.  The main goal in life should be for you to have freedom.  By freedom I mean for you to own your time.  You choose when you work and what you do with your time.  Financial freedom.  Meaning you can buy what you desire and travel to wherever you wish.  The underlying message here is that we all have bad habits and things that we shouldn’t do.  Maybe you don’t notice them or maybe you feel they don’t impact your life.  My challenge to you is to truly reflect on the life you live and find those things that prevent you from being your best self.  Try to make small changes now which will pay huge dividends in the future.  You’re not going to be perfect, and it won’t happen overnight but the first step to making a change is realizing you need one.  As always you got this!  Success is just a few decisions around the corner.

Importance of Healthy Hobbies

We all have hobbies.  And hobbies are a good thing!  It’s important to have an outlet or a find a release for all the stress we endure.  However, it’s extremely important to have “healthy hobbies.”  By healthy I mean something that has a net positive impact on our future.  Binge watching television I would argue has a net negative impact, while working out has a net positive.  The real dilemma arises when it comes to satisfying the fun requirement.  A hobby is something we enjoy doing.  Therefore, our hobbies can’t feel like a chore, or we won’t continue them.  How can we satisfy this fun requirement?  Well, start by looking back on your past.  Is there something you used to love doing but stopped or gave up simply because you’ve been busy?  Additionally, experiment with ideas.  A popular sport these days is pickleball.  It’s relatively easy to learn and it will at least get you out and moving.  Playing sports is a great way to stay active while being social and having fun.  Working out and other fitness-type activities (i.e. swimming, rock climbing, etc.) are also options but may feel like chores in the beginning.  During the experimental phase, I recommend one to try whatever interests them.  But stick with it for at least a couple weeks before you give it up because it takes time to build relationships and feel confident in something new. 

I’d say there’s two other primary areas one should aspire to find healthy hobbies.  The first being health (active + diet) and the second being intellectual.  We discussed some of the hobbies regarding staying active, so let’s transition to diet.  Hobbies that positively influence diet include cooking, meal prepping, tracking calories, making content about food, and really anything which improves your relationship with food in a positive way.  Finally, we have the intellectual hobby.  This is improving your knowledge in a particular area, reading more, learning new skills, etc.  Clearly, the hobbies we currently have are familiar and engrained in our lives.  The point of this article is to get you to reflect on those hobbies and determine the net impact it will have on your life.  Now, I’m not saying by tomorrow you’ll all of a sudden love to cook.  But what I am saying is that our hobbies change over time, they are often influenced by our friends and the people closest to us.  Therefore, if we can reflect and give a chance to some healthier options maybe we will find we enjoy them all the same.  I’m not saying stop doing what you enjoy doing because at the end of the day we do need an outlet.  However, I am saying reflect on those negative hobbies which lead to poor health, decreased mental acuity, or financial loss.  All of these have a net negative impact on our life.  So, why not transition to a hobby that allows you to have fun while improving your life?  Like everything else worth having, it’s going to take work on your part and accepting being uncomfortable while trying new things, but the reward will be worth it.  There’s a massive wave of people that indulge in net negative hobbies.  I’d argue the main culprits are eating fast food, binging snacks, watching too much television, playing too many video games, scrolling social media, gambling, drinking alcohol, drugs, etc.  Think about the change you’d see in your life if your negative hobbies were replaced with net positive ones.  To reach your goals and truly level up, one needs to be pursuing hobbies which result in a net positive when they are not actively working toward their goals.  Whether we like it or not, our actions compound on each other.  Therefore, if we endure net negative hobbies, not only will we lose valuable time, but we’ll also slide down the slippery slope to contentment.  The opposite side of the coin is that if we are stacking up days, weeks, months, or even years of net positive hobbies, over time the dividends will result in success over multiple facets of our lives.  Small changes lead to big results!  Thank you for reading.

Self-Discipline: The Biggest Predictor of Success

Show me your self-discipline and I’ll show you your future!  The word self-discipline is defined as the correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement.  I’ve spent years trying to figure out why I wasn’t accomplishing my goals only to come to the realization that it was simpler than I thought.  Being disciplined gives you a guaranteed one-way ticket to success.  The caveat being that you can’t choose when to be disciplined, it needs to become a lifestyle.

Now, let’s discuss discipline itself.  When I say discipline, I mean deciding to do something and giving yourself a no excuses mindset until it is completed.  We all say I want to eat healthier, or I want to exercise more.  Unfortunately, simply wishing for something to occur doesn’t make it happen.  If that’s the case, then I want to win the lottery.  We all want things in life, but for them to come to fruition we must show up and do the work.  This is where the discipline comes in.  If you tell yourself you’re waking up at 6 am tomorrow morning to work out, then when that alarm clock goes off you get up no excuses.  But in reality, we say “I’m too tired,” “I’ll just start tomorrow,” or “I’ll get up in 10 minutes.”  I’m not saying we’ll be perfect, but I am saying that being disciplined compounds.  If you decide you want to lift weights to get stronger, after one week they’ll be no results, after one month you start to see results, after 6 months your body is transforming, and after 1 year you may be unrecognizable.  But it wasn’t simply choosing to go to the gym that got you there, it was the discipline to hold yourself accountable and repeatedly go day after day even when you didn’t want to.  The problem is humans love immediate gratification!  We want to get rich quick.  We want to lose weight fast.  We’re always seeking out shortcuts.  You can chase that all you want but the reality is the faster you just start and stay disciplined the faster you’ll reach you’re desired goal.  The truth is that choosing to be disciplined is extremely hard because its unattractive.  It’s not fun and exciting.  Being disciplined is boring, repetitive, annoying, and tiring.  But it’s you letting your mind know that you don’t give into excuses and that you won’t be denied your goals.  Deciding to be disciplined means that you’ll have to make short term sacrifices.  Some of these may be uncomfortable, maybe you have to give up going out with friends or limit time doing unproductive activities.  But if this is the price of accomplishing your dreams is that really asking that much? 

Let me challenge your thoughts for a second.  We live one life right.  So why not pursue our dreams if we know we’re going to die?  Some may say well I want to enjoy my life, not spend it “disciplined.”  Well, you are only disciplined to accomplish the things that YOU want.  But whatever you desire and don’t have is most likely hard to accomplish.  Good, now be disciplined and start to work toward it.  I’ve heard the quote, “life can be easy now and hard later, or hard now and easy later.”  Simply, choose your hard.  Personally, my brain wants to take the easy route, but it also doesn’t understand that by choosing to delay gratification I am molding the future I truly desire.  We already look back on our life and wish we would have done things differently.  So, clearly in the future the same will occur.  Therefore, choose your hard now and start to build the future you desire.  Many of the best things in life are long term plays.  Those that invest in real estate or the stock market usually reap the rewards later in life, it’s the compounding effect which separates the average from the extremely successful.  Stay disciplined and make sacrifices now so that you can have the freedom to live whatever life you desire in the future.  You can do this!

Social Media: Good or Evil?

Following the invention of the internet, social media is arguably one of the greatest inventions ever.  It gave humanity a chance to connect with others around the world on a level none of us thought imaginable.  But with the good comes the bad.  Social media has also been a big reason for the mental health crisis in our country.  For the sake of this article, most of my points will be directed towards those using social media for personal use rather than those optimizing it as a business.

Let’s first address what makes social media so great.  Well, you can connect with so many people in a matter of seconds.  More than that, you can catch up on people’s lives in a quick click of a mouse or touch of a finger.  It’s also a place for you to post your most cherished moments or things you’re excited to share.  It gives us a way to interact and support each other, which humanity needs.  Additionally, since the use of artificial intelligence algorithms, we are now being sent material which has been tailor made to meet our preferences and keep us engaged.  The algorithm tracks what we interact with and our engagement time to send us specific material.  It’s insane, but the algorithm has it down to a science, and I’d argue at least personally the algorithm probably has a better a idea of what I want to watch than what I do.  Which is scary.  But in a positive light, we are being sent videos or material that make us feel good in a matter of seconds.   It’s no wonder we enjoy being on social media!

Now, let’s address some of the cons of social media.  As I alluded to earlier, social media is a place to share whatever you choose which is usually highlights or big life events.  So, we need to remember that just because you see “someone” or “everyone” doing or posting something on social media doesn’t mean you should view it in any type of way.  The worst thing you can do is look at social media to gauge life progress or success because most of what you see isn’t necessarily true.  Even if it were true are they posting their failures and losses?  No.  Another negative of social media is getting too tied into it emotionally.  Because as I’ve said not everything is as it appears on social media.  Therefore, if you are going to post on social media then by all means do it.  But do it because you want to and be proud when you do it, don’t post it because you’re seeking validation from others.  If you post seeking validation from others you risk going down a slippery slope where you’re so focused on the outcome what’s the point of being on social media.  Social media is supposed to be an outlet, or fun, or anything you desire for that matter.  But if social media is causing you more stress or negative feelings than without it then maybe it’s time to let it go.  Another thing to be wary of is mindlessly scrolling.  I think we’re all guilty of this one from time to time.  But again, the algorithm has gotten so concise that it can keep you engaged for hours.  Now, if you need to blow off steam or are watching things of value then that’s okay.  But if you find yourself losing valuable time in your day and missing out on opportunities to do the things you needed to do, then it may be time to make some changes.  One thing you can do is set a timer on the app to let you know when you have reached that much time using the app.  This is one easy way to at least make yourself aware of your usage and not loose time so easily.  Finally, the last point I want to make is that because social media can be so addicting, it can severely harm productivity.  It’s far too easy to endlessly scroll and lose valuable time in your day.  When we’re pursuing our goals we often have trouble with time, yet we lose how much time to social media throughout the day?  Now, I’m not saying social media is good or bad, I think there are arguments for both and that is a final decision for you to make.  But what I am saying is at the very least you should be aware and managing your social media use.  Social media can be an amazing thing and even a tool when operated correctly.  Use it, have fun with it, share what you wish, but don’t forget about the life you DO live.  We only live once!  Don’t forget to live the life you want off social media, so that one day you can post the life you want on social media.  Thank you for reading!  I’m looking for any writing topics you may have an interest in reading about?  Please email me at tanner@roadtosuccessblog.com or direct message me!

Feeling Stressed: Tips to Stay on Track

• Control your Emotions

We often go about our day content or sometimes even happy when we suddenly find ourselves sent off course.  What I mean is that some triggering event occurred, and we get so wrapped up in our feelings that we lose sight of where we were going.  Now, instead of checking off our to-do list or enjoying some free time we re-play the event and stew about it.  The dilemma is that: 1) we are no longer in rhythm with whatever we had planned for day, and 2) we are not even enjoying ourselves.  I understand bad things happen but the only thing that we can control is how we react.  I mean letting something or someone else ruin your day doesn’t make sense considering it’s you paying the price.  Clearly, easier said than done but it’s true.  The more you try and regulate your highs and lows, the easier it will be to stay focused.  Another important thing to do is to set boundaries for the people in your life who are repeated offenders in setting you off.  They may not even be aware of their actions or the effect but it’s your life and if it’s affecting you then something needs to be done.

• Understand that your Current State of Being is Temporary

Regardless, if life is going amazing or terrible, know that it won’t last forever.  Find yourself feeling down?  Take comfort in knowing that this phase will end.  In times like this, celebrate the small wins and do everything you can to stay positive.  On the other hand, find yourself living your best life and loving every second of it?  That’s incredible!  But really prioritize living in the moment and soaking up all life has to offer because again it won’t last forever.  This coincides with controlling your emotions because life is a roller coaster.  The best thing we can do is enjoy the ride and not let ourselves get pulled too far in one direction.

• Give without Expectations

I find that I keep my circle small and that’s because I want friends who are true ride or dies.  But I went through tough times to get there.  We often give so much and bend over backwards for those we love.  However, when the time comes to reciprocate, we may find that those same people are nowhere to be found.  This is a very hurtful realization!  But it is one that we bring amongst ourselves.  We all come from different backgrounds.  Therefore, if we do something for another, we need to do so with no expectations in return.  Otherwise, we are asking to be let down.  Do something out of the goodness of your heart and let the chips fall as they may.  Life is much more peaceful this way, and I believe karma will prevail in the end.

• Start Small

Stressed and find yourself stuck in a rut?  Take one tiny step toward your goal.  For example, wanting to read more?  Open up the book and read one page.  Yes, only one!  After that, what about one more?  Try and get yourself in a rhythm to keep going.  It won’t be perfect but it’s a way to trick your brain into starting.  If you read one page and that’s it, great.  You still read one page!  Be proud, give yourself some grace and try again.  Don’t let your never-ending to-do list stress you out.  Start small.

• Work Out and Eat Healthy

This one is self-explanatory.  If your body feels good, then your brain is optimized.  Give your brain the fuel it needs to succeed.  You got this!

Do Limits Exist?

We’ve all had those moments when we feel exhausted and just can’t do anymore.  And can we?  Or are we making excuses telling ourselves otherwise?  Someone I’m close to challenged me to push back when my brain says it’s “tired.”  It begs the question, are we seeking comfort, or can we honestly do no more?  What’s interesting is that I tend to be most productive when I have a lot on my plate.  I believe this occurs because our brain understands we have a lot to accomplish in a short period of time.  Therefore, it prioritizes what we must do rather than what we want to do for the sake of efficiency.  We often make excuses for procrastinating or avoiding certain actions because we desire so called “chill time.”  I’m guilty of this as well, because after a long day of work all I want to do is come home and scroll social media, watch tv, or just chill out and relax.  The dilemma though is that this so called “chill time” can become a priority in your brain when in fact it only provides temporary satisfaction.  All of us have our own goals and aspirations but usually to accomplish those things it takes sacrifice in the short term for sustained gratification in the long term.  The work you put in now leads to a better future but because of how easily accessible these dopamine rushes are, we’ve become content to avoid the “uncomfortable” sacrifices necessary to reach our true goals.  We now wish to escape the responsibilities which were once considered normal life.  I feel priorities have become skewed.  Society has pushed the work hard until you retire agenda.  This has led to this cycle of working tirelessly to get off and enjoy our “relaxing time,” hoping we return the next day recharged ready to do it all over again.  But remember, we only live once!  So, do the things you need to do to care for yourself and your loved ones, but when you get off and you’re feeling tired, remember this your time, waste it and you’re only hurting yourself.  The double-edged sword is that you can train your brain to push through this tired feeling but unfortunately you will likely have to untrain the bad habits you’ve built up.  Over time you’ve most likely told your brain that when you’re tired or exhausted that’s when I tap out.  So now you are repeatedly going to have to challenge your brain to push through that.  Well, how do I do that you ask?  We’ve all been tired and had to suck it up to complete something because we had no choice.  It’s likely we used caffeine as a crutch to push us over the edge or sacrificed a few hours of sleep.  If we can do it once, then we can do it again.  The dilemma here is that it’s not enough of a priority.  Change your mindset, change your will power, change your life.  Again, nothing is going to be easy but who wants easy?  Are you content with binging television or scrolling social media because you fear the uncomfortable?  Are you prepared to opt for the easy route at the expense of so much untapped potential?  At the end of the day, it’s a constant battle in your head but win that battle and you’ll be light years ahead on your path to success.

The brain seeks comfort.  But I can guarantee you that by pushing yourself to the point of failure or where you are no longer comfortable you will learn a lot more and a lot faster.  Our brain uses defense mechanisms to avoid risk, it wants to keep us safe after all.  Well in today’s world, aside from the dangerous act of driving every day we are fairly safe.  So, these defense mechanisms are activating for minute things to keep us in the “safe zone” (comfortable).  It doesn’t understand that these things we are pushing ourselves to do are for the betterment of our lives.  Therefore, we need to push past this by any means necessary.  Slowly, start to push yourself past what you thought you could do.  Need to finish something but you’re exhausted and wish to nap, drink a coffee and do it.  Over time your brain will establish a new comfort zone which can accomplish a hell of a lot more than you initially could.  We have become so accustomed to seeking comfort that we desire easy street.  But it’s a mirage, as I stated earlier, easy street sounds great now but, in the future, when you find yourself staring death in the eyes and you look back on your life, you’re going to wish you had pushed yourself to reach your true potential.  I’ll end this article with a secret I’ve found.  The busier you are, the more productive you become.  You also start to become more efficient, and limit wasted time.  Do it right and there comes a time when you find yourself in this state of being that is productive, efficient, and happy.  It’s almost as if you’ve unlocked a cheat code.  Because you are accomplishing what you need to while also being so regimented in your routine that you find yourself having free time to do as you wish anyway.  The difference is that you can be proud of yourself knowing that you finished what you needed to and are one step closer to a better life.  I hope you enjoyed this article.  And remember, you can do more than you’re doing!  You got this! Thank you for reading.

Hurricane Milton Encounter

As someone born and raised in Washington state, I was unfamiliar with all things “hurricane.”  I mean I’ve seen the news about hurricanes and how destructive they can be but actually living through one, that’s a different story.  On October 9^th, 2024, hurricane Milton had Tampa in its sights.  Being located in a suburb outside downtown Tampa we wouldn’t see the worst of the impact, but we would still get hit.  Leading up to the 9^th, people had purchased all of the generators from the big name stores in the area.  There was no water left on the shelves at grocery stores.  We were told to gas up before the storm, yet nearly all gas pumps had been taped off as they were completely empty.  Many people in my neighborhood were boarding up windows with plywood.   At one point, our community Facebook page became a so-called help desk for all things hurricane in which people offered or reached out for help, extended/swapped extra preparatory items, and tracked the storm. We opted to use the plywood we did have and wedge it up against the outside of our sliding glass doors.  Stacking furniture on the inside of our door openings to act as a barrier in case of projectiles.  We also placed plastic water tubes which are similar to sandbags at the edge of all door openings to prevent possible water infiltration.  As the storm approached, we scrambled to prioritize the necessary preparations and were content with playing the game of chance that if flying debris did come toward a window, it would be one which had built in shutters on it and not an unprotected one.  The sheer amount of time it takes to clear the back patio and balcony of all furniture, protect your property, pack an emergency bag with clothes and medications, plan your emergency shelter, find your evacuation route, and all of the must do’s above makes it difficult for anyone to be “completely prepared” before the storm hits. 

Late in the evening of October 9^th, we are at home as we start to feel the outer bands of Milton approaching.  There has been near constant rain, in an attempt to avoid flooding we drain our pool down about a foot.  At this point, we begin to receive emergency alerts to our phones about flash flooding and catastrophic wind speeds.  Our area begins to receive winds in excess of 70-80 mph.  We hear the so called “hurricane whistle” which shrieks during the worst gusts.  It’s loud as it plows into the front door which has been locked and barricaded to avoid busting open.  To avoid strain on the electrical circuit and appliances we choose to turn off the power as clearly the power will soon go out.  Now, sitting in darkness we anxiously wait to sleep in case there could be catastrophic damage to the house and us.  As we sit talking, our eyes are drawn toward an extremely bright blue light radiating from the sky.  The light remains for a couple seconds until a popping sound is heard and immediately the entire street is without power.  We opt to remain in a place with no windows near us and are prepared to take shelter if necessary.  Thankfully, the storm passes with no damage, and we can finally sleep.

The morning after the storm, we awaken to debris blocking nearly all roadways.  We find ourselves blocked into our own community.  By the afternoon/evening a path is cleared which provides at least enough room on the roads to exit the subdivision and enter a main road.  Main roads were another problem.  Many roads were completely obstructed by fallen trees or power poles and their cables.  The flooding was intense!  I witnessed roads completely submerged in water; houses that had standing water 4-5 ft high.  The craziest realization for me was that I found the aftermath of the hurricane to be worse than the actual landfall itself.  I’m not exaggerating when I say it was like the wild wild west.  Let me sum up my day of driving two days after hurricane Milton hit.  As I leave my community, the surge has caused the front entrance and the connecting road to become completely submerged by feet of water.  To my left I can make out a sign which says, “Road Closed: Road Under Water.”  To my right, down the street at the closest intersection there are two police officers preventing traffic from coming our way.  I turned around and exited the back entrance.  I was then prompted to take many right left right turns because roads are blocked by either debris or power companies attempting to restore.  A row of cars driving down a road and one by one performing a u-turn to head back and try another street became déjà vu.  All of the stop lights are either completely out or flashing yellow or red.  Driving through lights was pretty sketchy because you’d think oh it becomes a four-way stop, but when you have big intersections with lots of lanes things get crazy.  The worst part was that many people did not follow the stop and go when it’s your turn, rather you’d have 2-5 cars all go when the one in front went which is causing cars to get lodged in the intersection.  Fast forward to me driving past a gas station.  There are cars lined up nearly a quarter of a mile back waiting to gas up.  Since most of the gas stations here are on a corner with a stop light, you’d have cars coming out 2 or even 3 lanes wide with their blinker on waiting to join the line for gas.  This led people who were turning right to drive around the lane waiting for gas and into oncoming traffic.  So, intersections quickly became jammed, leading people to become impatient and drive erratically.  I even passed a couple of roads which for whatever reason the power outage had tripped the railroad crossings.  I witnessed people driving through the railroad crossing while it was blinking red with the gates down because it never went up.  Scary knowing a train obviously will come at some point.  Finally, coming home at night, all of the streetlights and home lights are out.  We’re talking pitch darkness when you could come up on a huge log in the road or worse yet the road being underwater.  That is probably the closest I’ve driven with my head to the windshield in a long time.  All in all, the aftermath was crazy.  I’m blessed that my family and I along with our property are safe.  Not everyone can say that sadly.  And to think, we weren’t even directly hit by Milton or it could have been even more catastrophic.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this article!  I wrote it to give those unfamiliar with hurricanes my personal experience and an idea of what enduring a hurricane entails.  Thank you for reading!

Confidence is Key

Confidence is the feeling of security and capability in yourself and your abilities.  Confidence plays a major role in our lives.  It controls how we carry ourselves and influences career choices, success, potential mates, and our everyday mood.  I find confidence and self-love to go hand in hand.  If you love yourself, you will likely be comfortable in who you are and will project self-confidence.  Now, we’ve all come across people in our life who just ooze self-confidence, people who naturally take control of a room, people who you find yourself drawn to.  So why is this?  I believe part of it is being in your realm.  What I mean by this is something you either have a lot of practice in or enjoy doing.  In other words, you find yourself comfortable in that environment.  Now previously I wrote about how comfort can hold you back in life and prevent you from reaching your true potential.  But in this sense, I mean comfort because of repetitive interactions and practice.  We are most confident when we are in “our element.”  This is why we can laugh and let loose around our friends and family.  Usually, they are the ones that we’ve chosen and trust to accept us for us.  However, what if we could be confident “not in our element.”  It’s much more difficult to do but it would make our life so much more efficient.  Instead of doing as we feel we should (usually to appease others), we could just be ourselves and let the chips fall as they may.  I think we’d be surprised how great things go, and of course some interactions would not go well, but it’s the very fear of those interactions that make us behave differently.  This becomes a slippery slope because once we start getting away from who we truly are, our brain begins gets confused on how to act.  Every time we choose to act a certain way, we are placing votes toward that and informing our brain who we are or who we wish t to be.  Therefore, it makes so much more sense to just own who we are and let things fall as they may.  Because the great thing about confidence is it builds!  Ever gone to the gym and began feeling more confident.  Did you feel good and carry yourself a little taller that day?  Confidence in one part of your life can lead to confidence in others, and with-it new opportunities.  The life path you may be seeking will only present itself if given direction.  That direction is choosing to be yourself every day and trusting yourself.  We can’t allow the doubt of others to hinder us or affect our decision making because at the end of the day we are responsible for only ourselves.  And no one knows what we’re thinking or what we’re truly capable of.  There are times unqualified applicants get jobs simply because they were confident in their abilities and that confidence radiated through the interview.  Fortunately, confidence is something that can be gained.  Regardless of where you currently are, there are things you can do to become more confident.  The first is to start with self-love and trust yourself.  Don’t allow self-doubt to creep in and steal your potential!  The sooner you can put your true self out there for the world to see, the quicker you can feel the freedom of life and the joy of living.  Ever seen a happy person operate?  They are like a magnet of all things good in the world.  Now why would that be?  Self-love and outlook baby.  Love yourself and think positive and the world is yours. 

Here are some tips on ways to become more confident.  Start your day with a gratitude list, listing out all of the things you are thankful for.  This will start your day off with a positive outlook.  For things you fear or are anxious about over prepare!  Find people who uplift you and want the best for you.  If there’s people you find to be making you feel a certain way or causing you to doubt yourself then you may need to limit access or at least draw a boundary.  Speak positive affirmations to yourself!  We’re all amazing human beings and a miracle to even be alive so why would we not love ourselves.  Self-conscious about something?  Work on it, but give yourself grace, and challenge your negative thoughts.  You got this!

A person I wish to emulate who does an amazing job of exuding self-confidence is Connor McGregor.  He has an astronomical following but also a ton of so called “haters.”  Additionally, he’s had some downfalls in his fighting career.  He repeatedly is called overrated and washed up.  Or told he was never even that good to begin with.  But do you think Connor McGregor let’s all of these other people’s opinions affect him?  Clearly not!  He’s confident in who he is and that’s why so many of us are drawn toward him.  Love him or hate him he’s the same Connor McGregor.  And if there’s one thing we know about him, it’s that doubt doesn’t exist and his confidence will never fade!  Now, go out and be yourself.  Wish to recreate yourself?  That’s fine but remember you need to send repeated votes to your brain of this new person until your brain believes it.  Be confident and love yourself because the person’s love we most need is our own.  Thank you for reading!

The Truth about “The Grind”

“The Grind” is a commonly used phrase amongst Americans.  It refers to a stage of one working to become their best self and/or chasing their goals and aspirations.  More than that though, “the Grind” specifically highlights the need to be on point with your actions, in an intense no distractions mindset.  In my experience people usually state the “I’m on my grind” when they are planning to really focus on bettering themselves in some way.  Additionally, motivational videos often challenge one to stop settling and “grind!”  And to be frank I’m all for it.  But let’s address some truths about “the Grind.” 
First off, It’s terribly uncomfortable.  Anytime you’re wanting to better yourself understand that it’s going to be uncomfortable.  There’s a reason you don’t do the things you should every day!  This uncomfortability often rears its head in the form of being too exhausting, too difficult, too boring, etc.  That reasoning is holding you back from taking the action you should.  Next, the grind is a lonely process.  This somewhat coincides with being uncomfortable because you’re going to have to make tough decisions.  If the grind is about being disciplined and taking action with no resolve, then you do indeed need to follow through.  Often this leads to challenges in the form of sacrificing social outings, family plans, drinking what you want, and eating what you want.  Even one step further is that if you are ultra focused on your goals (“on the grind”) it can often lead to tension with others.  Your unavailability may start to be seen as a nuisance or as selfish.  Which is quite the backward thinking you’d expect from your friends and family but nonetheless it happens.  Now I’m not condoning falling off the face of the earth, but I will say its ok to be unavailable to do what you need to do.  And sorry but if you’re really dedicating yourself then why not go all the way.  Sacrifice now in the short term for a better life in the long term!  Another thing to keep in mind if you are on the grind is that the journey doesn’t accept excuses.  You’re simply telling yourself why you can’t do what you said you would and that’s a bad precedent to set.  Take ownership and be honest about why you fell short.  Remember no one is perfect and failure is success in progress.  Once you’ve reflected and allowed yourself some grace pick yourself back up and try again.  Now, I’ve heard people state their concerns about being on the grind and how life is too short to spend it doing something I don’t want to do.  While I agree with the sentiment that life is short, I feel that is even more reason to focus and be on the grind.  I mean honestly if we only live once you don’t want to see what you’re truly capable of?  Think about all the untapped potential and endless possibilities your life could have been.  So why not start today?  There’s no set way for you to be “on the grind.”  Rather it’s realizing you need to focus up and having the discipline to follow through and make changes.  Will it be perfect?  No!  Will you fall off the wagon and have to start again?  Most likely.  Will you have rough days where it takes everything inside of you just to act.  Most likely.  But will you build a life of discipline and freedom?  Yes!  And will you be able to reflect back on your life journey and be proud of yourself?  Yes!

Now, I wanted to share a song lyric from Lil Wayne’s song “let it all work out” which I resonate with.  The song lyric is “the game ain’t easy, but it’s fair.”  Now, remember this is coming from a rapper who arguably was the biggest artist at one point.  Even the most successful of us don’t deny how hard life is but nonetheless we must prosper.  I resonate with this statement because yes, we all come from different backgrounds and some less fortunate than others, but it doesn’t change what we all have inside of us.  If you’re on the grind you can outwork the crowd simply by being consistent.  Life is fair in that we are all alive at this moment in time and if you want something bad enough then go out and get it.  We constantly stress over how much we want to accomplish in a year.  But when you break it down, if we simply devoted thirty minutes a day towards improvement, the results would be astonishing.  Thirty minutes a day is a total of 182.5 hours spent improving by years end.  And I don’t care how busy you are, if you want it bad enough you can find thirty minutes in your day.  The main point of this article was to stress the importance of being disciplined and committed while working toward your goals and dreams.  Remember baby steps add up to a whole lot, often more than we can even envision.  It’s often hard to remain consistent because we can’t see the endline. Well, I can tell you it’s worth it.  Even if you don’t end up where you wanted to, you will have grown as a person, had opportunities you otherwise wouldn’t have, and will have lived a life you can be proud of.  You got this!  Start today, give yourself grace along the way, but most importantly don’t give up.  Thank you for reading!

Procrastination: Killer of Productivity

In a study, 95% of individuals admitted to procrastinating.  Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing something.  The art of procrastination is an interesting phenomenon.  One in which we all do but why?  It’s like we know what we have to do, but instead we choose to delay the inevitable hurting ourselves in the process.  So, this begs the question, why are we delaying action and for what purpose?  Why we delay seems to be a simple answer, the task at hand is either difficult or something we do not wish to do.  The second question addressing the purpose of the delay is much harder to answer.  Are we too comfortable in what we are doing?  Do we need to be up against the clock to finally perform?  I believe it’s a combination of being anxious about the task at hand while also having a push-pull battle in your head of whether you should do it or not.  I believe this push-pull battle occurs because as humans we seek comfort.  In today’s world, humans are constantly hit with mini dopamine rushes coming from social media, television, unhealthy food choices, and many others.  These dopamine hits make us feel happy and leave us wanting more, hence the reason it’s difficult to stop scrolling or binging a television show.  So now when a person is tasked with comfort and happiness versus performing a difficult task the choice is clear.  Only when a task MUST be done does a person snap out of it and perform.  This is because the need for action outweighs the desire for comfort.  However, I will push back on this notion of comfort.  Because while I do procrastinate and endure this feeling of comfort, I often don’t truly enjoy the experience to its full potential because in the back of my head I know I’m delaying the inevitable and feel guilt for doing so.  Let’s review.  We now have a person not doing what they should be because they wish to feel comfortable, but can’t because they are thinking about what they should be doing?  Well jeez, why don’t we just do the thing we’re supposed to do then!  When you really break procrastination down it’s an extremely unhealthy habit!  And one that only hurts you in the long run. Today people want to do the least possible.  This is an ideal time to step up and become great!  By simply completing the tasks/goals set in front of you when you say you will, you are surpassing so many others who either wait until tomorrow or produce poor last minute work.  You can slowly train your brain that when tasked with something, simply take action.  We often hear the term outwork the crowd and you’ll reap the success you desire.  This is true but it’s actually so much simpler when you break it down.  Train your brain to take action and just do what you tell yourself to do.  This will lead to productive days, stacking up to efficient years, and lead to inevitable success.  For those of you reading this, my advice is to simply take action!  Once you start to do so, you’ll realize that if you don’t give your brain time to come up with an excuse and simply take action that moment, your production will skyrocket.  And your sense of fulfillment and happiness with it.  You’ll slowly start to become a new person, one who takes action, and your brain and its thoughts will align to follow suit.

For those of you feeling stuck or wanting to combat procrastination, here are some tips.  Use a planner or the calendar on your phone and write out when you want to do things.  When that time comes its non-negotiable, do it!  Use momentum to your advantage.  If you find yourself full of energy then use it to check something off your list.  Additionally, sometimes just simply starting helps you get going.  For example, convince your brain hey let me just take my book out and open it up, next thing you know you may find yourself reading.  Give yourself grace, you won’t be perfect.  Reward yourself when you do complete a task you were dreading.  And again, my number one tip is that your brain is powerful and it’s going to challenge you, especially if you’ve built a habit of procrastination, so when you need to do something don’t give you brain time to convince you otherwise just simply take action!  A simple example of this for me personally is doing the dishes.  For whatever reason I hate doing the dishes, so now when I go to the sink and there’s dishes, I don’t even think I just clean them and put them in the dishwasher.  Does it take me a long time?  Absolutely not, but if I gave my brain a second to think about it what would it say?  “You don’t want to do this right now; you’ll get to them eventually.”  That push-pull conversation never occurred and now the dishes are done.  Reward yourself after you’ve finished what you need to complete, and your life will never be the same.  Take action today and end procrastination.  You got this!  As always if you have anything you’d like to share, or questions feel free to reach me at tanner@roadtosuccessblog.com.

At least 66% of US households own a pet.  That’s 2 out of every 3 homes!  Now it doesn’t differentiate which pet is in each household but for the sake of this article, I’ll be focusing on cats and dogs, as they are the clear majority in pet ownership.  So why are pets so popular?  Unsurprisingly, they offer companionship!  We have transitioned from a society in which animals were used for protection, hunting, transportation, etc. to now incorporating pets into our family dynamic.  Often times, we view and treat our pets as our own children.  As a dog dad myself, I can vouch that Maui (my goldendoodle) is indeed my child.  So, what led to this change in how we view our pets?  I think as our society advances so do the many unknown consequences.  New technology has made things easy and more efficient for humans but at what cost.  The capitalistic society in the United States has led Americans to rarely be content.  Which in moderation can increase motivation but often leads to extraneous pressure and stress.  Compound that with the ever-available social media and a person finds themselves being force fed societal standards of life progress and where one may fall short.  It’s easier than ever to talk to others via cell phone or facetime, drive or fly to visit someone, or seek out social activities.  Yet, we often find ourselves preferring solitude.  There is a mental health crisis currently in this country!  Cue our pets.  A dog or cat which completely relies on us for sustenance.  We are their everything.  In a world full of selfishness, empty promises, high divorce rates, and insincerity, our pets are our saving grace.  They center us and offer hope that as humans we can be better.  They lead by example, offering unconditional love and always being there when we need them most.  We are the highlight of their day and vice versa.  They are sad to see us leave and uber excited to see us return home.  Dogs offer unquestioned loyalty and love.  Something nearly impossible to experience at the human level.  Regardless of your current mood or energy, dogs love you all the same.  For me it’s the reliability and love I feel when I’m with my Maui girl.  It gives me joy to see her happy, similar to the feeling I’m sure parents experience with their children.  Dogs provide a healthy dopamine rush and a true connection in a world where such a feeling is scarce.  Offering a judgment free environment and simply love you for you.  They have many talents and can be utilized for several tasks including acting as service animals, combatting PTSD or other mental health issues, K9 unit, hunting, protection, or simply a family pet.  In all of these scenarios though, the one thing that remains unquestioned is the bond built between a dog and its owner.  My personal experience with Maui is that she quickly became my best friend!  I’ve been through many tough times since I’ve had her and I’m happy to say she’s never faltered once.  A true ride or die!  The consistency and reliability of knowing she’s excited to see me and loves me no matter what, gives me an immense feeling of joy.  I think the level of connection between a dog and their owner becomes more appreciated when you realize how rare such a feeling truly is.  For those of you with pets, think about the pivotal role they play in your life.  And remember their life is short, so don’t take them for granted.  Give your pet a hug and extra loving’s today because they never take a day off, and only ask for your time and love in return.  Thank you for reading!

The Law School Experience

For those of you that don’t know, Law School is an absolute monster.  And for those of you that do know, I don’t need to say much else.  Having already obtained my Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree, I assumed I was well versed in how college operates.  Well, was I in for a shock!  What I didn’t realize is in law school cold calling is actively used to stimulate the “Socratic method.”  So not only do you have a vast amount of reading and briefings to prepare prior to class but God forbid you didn’t read, then you risk being called out in class for being unprepared.  My first year of law school I would argue I saw at least 20 students grilled for being unprepared and at least two that I can remember who were dismissed from class.  It’s not something I was aware of entering law school but something I’ve definitely come to understand now, the first year is the toughest.  The first year of law school is when you take all of the nation-wide required courses which also end up being the main topics tested on the bar exam.  The first year is also when in my opinion they attempt to weed out the weak.  I shouldn’t necessarily use the word “weak” but rather they are going to challenge you and see how much you really want this.  Because you will likely be challenged like never before!  As I said, there is an unfathomable amount of reading required.  With each case read, it is equally expected a brief will be prepared highlighting the main points of the case.  This way when called upon in class, one can quickly reference their brief to answer the question.  Thankfully, professors were understanding about the learning curve in law school, so it wasn’t so important everything was correct as much as it was that you completed the reading.  However, as the year progressed so did professors’ expectations.  Another shocking revelation I had in law school was that in nearly all of my first-year courses my grade was determined based solely upon the midterm and final.  Often, the final exam would be worth 80-100% of our grade.  So essentially if you bomb the final you likely fail the class.  Even more surprising is that the final sometimes consisted of only essays.  Which, to be fair, makes it much easier to show how much you do or do not know compared to multiple choice type questions.  Another concept of law school which was quite surprising was grades being prepared on a curve.  Now, likely we’ve all heard about a curve in school, but law school invokes a “real bell curve.”  Meaning because they need to determine class rank, they provide professors with a grade scale outlining how many A, A-, B+, B, B-, etc. they may a lot.  What this means is that even if two people performed A level work, because of the curve there may only be one A grade remaining to award, thus, the professor is forced to award one student an A and the other a B+.  It is a crazy concept, because it essentially means if you are in a class with higher level students or lower level students that has a direct impact on your grade.  It creates somewhat of a cutthroat competitive environment.  At the same time, because universities and law firms care about class rank, it is an understandable process to compare your performance amongst your peers.

Law school is high stress and high pressure.  After the first semester I believe at least five students in my section dropped out.  By the end of the year, I believe it was a total of 8-10 students.  Now I’m not saying this as a dig that they couldn’t hack it.  Because with the amount of debt you risk going into for the degree, it is advised to make sure you will finish and wish to finish or cut your losses.  Something I unfortunately did not prioritize while I was in law school was making connections.  Of course, professional connections are always important but I’m talking about friendships.  It is easy while attending law school to get caught up in the stressful competitive environment and kind of lose yourself.  By the third year I was able to form lasting friendships with my peers, which made the process easier.  In hindsight, something I wish I would’ve prioritized from the very beginning.  As a student in the moment, the stress begins to eat at you, and you question how everyone else is doing this.  But after talking with others and leaning on friendships you find out that everyone is struggling and slightly losing their minds.  Providing you with a much-needed sense of relief, knowing everyone is going through the same thing.

One would think after enduring all law school entails and making it out the other end alive they are free.  Not quite.  One more exam, the Bar exam.  To those of you who have made it to the end and graduated with a Juris Doctor degree, congratulations!  A huge accomplishment showing your mental fortitude to persevere through the hardships and come out the other side.  Now the hardest exam you’ve ever taken is placed in front of you, the BAR exam.  One more final step.  You’ve made it this far, what’s one more right?  I know what you’re thinking…   But this exam gives you the keys to the career you seek, and the freedom to pursue whichever type of law you wish.  You got this!  And for those of you that have passed the bar exam, you earned it, go out and conquer the world.  If you enjoyed this article and wished to share your thoughts or experiences, I’d love to hear from you.  Or for those of you considering attending law school and have questions feel free to reach me at Tanner@RoadtoSuccessBlog.com.  Thank you for reading!

Anxiety in a Nutshell

I think we all experience different symptoms of anxiety.  Just like I think we all have different triggers of anxiety.  But I wanted to address how I personally feel when I suffer from anxiety.  First, since I was a child, I have not been able to shut my brain off.  Hence, I’m always thinking about “something.”  That something is usually a recent occurrence which made me feel strongly one way or another.  Unfortunately, the negative feelings seem to linger longer than the positive feelings.  For example, if I do something embarrassing or something I did not like then I usually replay that negative feeling over and over in my head.  It’s like for whatever reason I just cannot shake it.  Not to be dramatic but it almost acts as torture device in a way, because it affects my feelings, mood, energy, etc. until I can let it go.  It’s honestly a terrible feeling.  And I mean who wants to feel like that?  Clearly, it is not a healthy habit.  The flip side of that is when something positive happens, I also replay it in my head albeit for a much shorter period. Another way anxiety has affected me is in certain settings which I categorize as high importance.  These usually consist of job interviews, job presentations, school presentations, speeches, etc.  For example, it usually occurs when I am nervous about a particular task or event, and I work myself up too much before the actual event even occurs.  A great quote I heard and would like to reference states why stress twice?  Meaning clearly, you are going to have some sort of stress when the event arises and you must fulfill your duties, but the entire lead up to that moment when one is in a stress induced state of panic what is that about?  It’s like you’re forcing your body to stress about the particular event twice, but why stress if it hasn’t even occurred yet?  This does make you question your brain, because now I’m enduring this stress and not in the moment while I’m simply watching tv on the couch at home or out at dinner with friends?  That makes no sense!  There is no valid stimulus to actually cause fear, rather we are making it up in our minds.  Another trigger of anxiety I’ve experienced in the past is sometimes if I am in a social setting and begin to feel trapped, I start to become overwhelmed.  The difficult part about being in this situation is it seems easy to overcome because it’s not as if I’m caged in literally, but it is quite difficult if you care about the impression you are making.  What I mean is that if you find yourself at a social event with many people around and begin to feel overwhelmed the easiest answer is to just remove yourself.   But what if it’s a work event?  What if you didn’t drive?  What if it’s your friend’s birthday?  All of these are situations in which it would be socially unacceptable to leave, and even worse could result in future consequences.  The worst part is that it would bring even more negative attention to yourself, the very thing you are trying to avoid.  As I said earlier, there are many ways in which one can suffer from anxiety or the triggering event itself resulting in the onset of anxiety.  But I think it’s fair to say that anxiety causes our body to act abnormally while in a state of fear.  The physiological effect of anxiety is that some stimulus activates our sympathetic nervous system which in turn prompts the body to go into a state of fight or flight.  In simple terms, we are telling our brain we are in fear which floods our body with hormones to protect itself, thus why we have an increased heart rate, sweating, and blood pressure increases as it directs flow to our muscles.  Now, in a life-or-death situation we are grateful for this response because it could be the very thing that keeps us alive (main reason for response).  However, in today’s world we have tricked our brains into believing a speech is a life-or-death event.  I’d like to quickly sidebar to address how I believe this happened because I don’t think humans are to blame as much as the resulting circumstances themselves.  Going way back to the hunter and gatherer days, humans had a simple life, do what is necessary to survive.  If a human hunter came face to face with a wild animal, then the resulting fight or flight response could be the one thing that saved their life.  Now in today’s world humans live a different life.  You can’t fault humans for evolving and advancing at an astronomical level, but this has led to new problems.  Because humans have made life so simple, our brains have become complex.  What I mean is at least in America, humans do not have to worry about the necessities of survival (food, water, shelter).  This has prompted humans to worry about what they deem “important or of value.”  Now right or wrong in today’s society humans deem their family, net worth, education, sports, social media followers, etc. as “important.”  Our brain is ever powerful, and what you deem “important” rather consciously or subconsciously the brain follows suit.  So, then it should come as no surprise that when you treat a public speech as a fearful situation and continually dread the lead up prior to the actual event you are reinforcing to the brain that it should cue the fight or flight response.  Over time our brains become accustomed on how to react to situations, which is why its incredibly important to challenge your thoughts and beliefs as they arise, as well as find ways to combat the fight or flight response in the body.

As always, allow me to provide some value.  What are some of the top concerns resulting in anxiety?  Pressure, Stress, Trauma, Self-Confidence, Negative Mindset, Introverted, Intrusive Thoughts, etc.  One of the first things I now do to combat anxiety is question the thought.  Is it really that important to get worked up about?  What am I scared of?  Why am I thinking of a worst case scenario, what about the best case scenario?  The next thing I do is challenge the feeling.  Why am I feeling scared about something in 4 days?  All I can do now is prepare for it and when the time comes, go out there and do my best.  Will people really care how I do?  Would I care about how someone else does?  Is this feeling valid?  Have I done anything like this in the past?  And if so, it was fine afterward, right?  So, let’s go out there and do my best and move on.  Step three is combatting the anxiety.  Perform a calming routine prior to the event.  Use a calming routine to combat anxious feelings whenever they arise.  Some examples that could be incorporated into your calming routine are breathing techniques, yoga, meditation, redirect your mind by focusing on something else, visualization, exercise, eating healthy foods, ground yourself, listen to music, make yourself laugh, etc. Step four is over preparation and/or positive self-talk.  This means if you’re nervous about something be over prepared, to the point where you know it like the back of your hand.  If you find yourself anxious use positive self talk to remind yourself of all you HAVE accomplished, how proud of yourself you are, and how strong you are.  Finally step five is reminding yourself that this is just one moment in time.  Twenty years from now will you care or even remember this?  Then do your best, calm down, let whatever you’re feeling go, take a deep breath and just be in the moment.  I mean after all you’ll only live this moment once, may as well enjoy it.  Now obviously overcoming anxiety, however it may be affecting you, isn’t something that can just be overcome in the snap of a finger.  It’s going to be a long road of slowly challenging your brain until you can change it.  You have the power to change though!  It’s not easy, but the same way you’ve developed a habit of getting anxious in certain situations you can develop a habit of reacting differently or overcoming such anxiety through a number of techniques.  For those of you suffering from anxiety, you are not alone!  And it’s ok to not be ok sometimes.  The main thing is just working hard to be a little bit better every day, because no one deserves to feel like that.  I wish you the very best on your journey and if you wanted to share your experience or ask for advice feel free to email me at tanner@roadtosuccessblog.com.

Overcoming Anxiety

Step 1: Question the Thought

Step 2:  Challenge the Feeling

Step 3:  Combat the Anxiety (Calming Technique)

Step 4:  Positive Self Talk

Step 5:  One Moment in your Entire Life

Impact of Playing Sports on Children

As a person who played sports growing up and still do today, I can’t say enough about how sports positively affected my life.  Sports was in a way my introduction to how to operate in life!  I mean at an extremely young age when I essentially knew nothing, I was thrust into this group environment and tasked with competing (1 winner and 1 loser).  Of course, sports are perfect for improving hand-eye coordination, balance, positive effects on metabolism, and just generally staying healthy.  But these are the givens.  I want to discuss the many life skills playing sports has taught me and the immense impact it can have on a child’s life.  The first thing I’ll address is how challenging sports can be.  I mean sometimes a kid may be more talented or have a shorter learning curve, but it doesn’t change the fact that to be great at something it takes hard work (practice).  As adults we often forget that subtle changes in the short term, lead to drastic changes in the long term, but with our children we harp this very principle.  We teach our children that the work you put in today pays dividends later which is an ever-important lesson.  Sports are challenging, hence the reason we can’t play everything!  The sports that we find ourselves inclined to play are usually the ones in which we have natural talent or a love/passion for the sport.  Why?  Well, if you receive gratification and praise from others, you’ll tend to enjoy and chase that feeling.  This chase is where the competitive spirit comes to form.  You realize that “right now X person is better than me but if I continue to put in the work then I can surpass his skill set.”  And as we all know this is incredibly important in every aspect of life.  I also believe that being a competitive person coincides with being a driven person.  Now, in what area of your life you focus that drive is a question only you can answer.  There’s always someone better, something to chase, and things to do to improve yourself.  As a child playing sports you quickly have a realization that it isn’t all fun and games, only the best players play and only the very best earn a trophy.  This paradigm is when child athletes grow the most.  When a child is not good enough to play a sport, there mind quickly forms a decision, these three choices are a) quit, b) don’t care and remain stagnant, and c) work to improve.  Choice A is something I don’t advise, if a child starts a sport they should finish that season if not simply to instill the lesson of if you start something finish it, with the exception of extenuating circumstances.  Some kids may choose choice B, and if they have no love or passion for the sport that is fine but if they play with others who have a passion there will be a buildup of societal pressure.  Finally, the third choice C is to work hard to improve yourself to reach your goals.  Now, I’m not saying any of these choices are per se “correct” because it depends on the circumstances but for parents there is a lot to learn from what the child chooses to do in a situation of hardship.  Additionally, it reaffirms the child’s feelings about a particular sport.  The fact that a child at such a young age is forced to make such an independent decision about their next steps is astonishing.  And it is exactly why I advocate parents to get their children into sports.  The child is placed in a position in which they must make an independent decision and stand by their choice.  Think about how early children are learning that their decisions have consequences and depending on their choice a different outcome comes with it.  In my opinion, this is the first time children have a realization that they have freewill to make their own choice but also must live by their choice.  Finally, sports allow children to mold their identity.  Sports are social by nature, so children are tasked with deciding how they will carry themselves, in what light they wish to be seen in by their parents, peers, coaches, and how successful they wish to be in the sport.  This is when children learn if they put the work in, they can improve and surpass others who were previously better.  It’s also where leadership skills are built.  The team won’t simply follow anyone.  And who do they follow?  Usually, the one that leads by example, holds others accountable, and wants to succeed.  The point of this article isn’t simply to tell you children find their identity playing sports.  While although that is true, it’s also most likely the first time in their life they can show true grit by correcting errors they made and work towards who they want to be.  Sports outside of the many physical benefits, teaches us social skills, how to operate in a team environment, leadership skills, reward of hard work/success, and the feeling of winning and losing.  But at the end of the day, it teaches us the underlying life principle that those that work the hardest, succeed the most, and reap the rewards.  Which if you ask me is very pertinent to the world we live in today!    

Mental Health: Rewiring your Brain

Life is tough.  It’s a constant roller coaster of ups and downs.  It’s about being able to stay positive and push through the down times to make it back to the good.  Easier said than done though!  David Goggins often talks about mastering the mind and breaking past the governor of comfort, but how realistic is that?  What about the times when we’re down bad and can’t seem to find our way back?  One of the hardest things to do is to stop feeding the fire.  For whatever reason when we’re feeling down we often lean into it, meaning we stay in bed, binge eat our favorite unhealthy snacks, or watch/listen to sad programs.  It’s almost as if we have this mini addiction to feeling down.  Why does it become the hardest thing in the world to do the things we know we should?  This is when we need to eat healthy, get active, see friends, or go outside and get some sun.  Yet it’s extremely difficult to find the energy to do such a thing.  So, let’s address this.  Everything is mental, meaning in your mind.  Your body doesn’t think for itself, your mind tells it what to do and how to feel.  Therefore, everything we “feel” is just a reaction to some sort of external stimulus.  At a biological level we are our own worst enemy.  For example, when we continuously avoid things because they are “embarrassing,” we signal to our brain that we should be in fear and scared of such thing.  Well of course, next time that situation arises our body is going to react in auto-pilot.  Cue public speaking or previous trauma as some examples.  So many people fear public speaking!  Is it scary?  Sure, but is this a rational fear?  What about the people who love it?  They were born and gifted with the public speaking gene?  Doubtful.  It is much more likely they were put in more situations when they were younger and made a decision to not be scared of that situation, thus the brain knows no different.  The brain only knows what you tell it or what you allow it to feel.  How many of us are deadly afraid of teddy bears?  Most likely no one, this is because why would the brain be scared of a teddy bear?  Exactly.  So then why are we afraid of public speaking?  Most of you are probably thinking because I was humiliated or embarrassed or I froze.  But it’s still you telling your brain to feel embarrassed because “people” (who most likely don’t care) saw you make a mistake or act some type of way.  Now I want to preface the rest of this article by stating I am no way saying any of this is easy, it’s quite the opposite, but I want to challenge your way of thinking and hopefully provide value in that you can overcome anything.  So how do we overcome this fear now that we have it?  Well, how do you overcome any fear, by conquering it!  Remind yourself that the past has nothing to do with the here and now and right now think positive thoughts.  Remind yourself that no one really cares, most likely if you’re messing up, they are feeling bad for you because others know what that is like.  And for the rest of the bad humans, hoping people crash and burn screw them because karma’s a bitch.  I would argue the most important thing to overcome a fear is by stacking small wins.  Slowly do better and better until all of a sudden, you’re an entirely new person.  For example, with public speaking I’d say the most important thing to do is be overly prepared by 1,000%.  If you’ve repeated and practiced your speech a million times, then why be scared you already got it.  That then sets the foundation for a small win when you realize “you know that wasn’t too bad.”  Addressing the trauma response is a tough one.  This is often too painful to endure and what you feel is valid.  But the helpful path to recovery is the same.  You must slowly face that trauma and work through a way to overcome it.  This could be through yoga, meditation, therapy, medicine, etc. but you must admit to your brain yes this happened, yes I felt this way about it, but I no longer allow this to hold power over me.  Once again though, it comes down to telling your mind that its reaction or how you’re feeling, however valid it may be, is something you no longer choose to feel and change your mindset overcoming it in the process. 

Now, let me provide you with some ways of getting yourself back on track.  When you’re feeling down force yourself to take little wins.  Feel a little bit better now and by reinforcing positive thoughts however badly received, eventually with time you’ll overpower your brain and get out of the funk.  One of the easiest ways to immediately feel better is by laughing.  Watch a stand-up, watch funny videos online, hang with your best friends, whatever it may be just do your best to laugh.  Laughing releasees endorphins in your brain which essentially help you feel happy.  Think about the last time you were laughing, it felt good in the moment didn’t it.  Going to be a common theme in my writing but once again think positive and show gratitude.  It’s a blessing to be alive.  It’s interesting because we definitely take it for granted.  I mean personally if someone told me the date I was going to die, I would immediately start prioritizing what I want to do, forget the bullshit that I’m moping about and go live my best life because my clock is ticking down.  We may not know the date but it will come one day.  So why push things off or prolong feeing down when tomorrow is not guaranteed.  Live life how you want right now today.  Try to challenge your negative thoughts and feelings by asking do you really want to spend valuable time of your life thinking about it.  I heard another analogy I loved which said if someone gave you $86,400 dollars today, but there was a catch, spend it all by the end of the day or lose it.  I guarantee you’d spend every last dollar, shit I’d even see if I could spend some of my own to splurge if needed.  Well, there’s 86,400 seconds in a day and if you waste them you lose them.  Spend them wisely but spend them how you want because life is supposed to be fun!  However you decide to spend your time, really prioritize living in the moment because you’ll never live that exact moment again.  Often we are so worried about the future (anxiety) or the past (depression) that we don’t just live in the moment.  As I’m writing this my dog is staring into my eyes and I realize I’m literally her everything.  I’m not sure about the science but I like to think that dogs have a short-term memory because they seem to let things go rather quickly, that or they just prioritize happiness and living in the moment more than humans.  Another thing I’m personally guilty of is that I’m so worried about what I don’t have and need to get that I never take the time to be proud or reward myself for what I have accomplished.  I’m all about accomplishing goals, no better feeling in the world.  But what do we do once we accomplish a goal?  Set another one.  That’s perfect but all I’m saying is take a moment to cherish the win and be proud of yourself.  To the person reading this your life is going to be great!  But if your mental health is holding you back then take receipt of what’s on your mind and address it.  Day by day chip away at it, positive thoughts and damn you’re alive.  How do you want to spend your 86, 400 seconds today?  I challenge everyone reading this to perform one kind act today, make someone’s day, because we’ve all been there, and the fact that such a small gesture could make all the difference in turning someone’s bad day into a good day is quite amazing.  Go out and get after it, however bad it may seem it’s in your control to right the wrong and get back on track.  You got this!

Is College “Worth It”?

College.  Hmmm what do we think?  “You have to go to college,” “going to college sets you up for life,” “if you don’t go to college what are you going to do,” and finally “go to college so that you can get a good job.”  Ahhh that’s my favorite line.  We’ve all heard these lines, and they may have been true for the older generation but do not necessarily apply now.  The cost of a college education goes up while the prestige of having a degree goes down.  It is now expected to have a degree rather than seen as a plus.  I believe if everyone took the time to just pursue what they enjoyed it would actually increase their chances of finding their passion, and with that success.  Now, I don’t actually have data to back this up, but I am speaking from experience.  Instead, we go to college thinking we know what we want to do or are influenced by others.  This leads us down a path trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives.  Most likely being forced to take classes we aren’t interested in, oh and while getting in debt to receive this “ticket to riches” degree.  Now I’m not saying college is terrible and people shouldn’t go.  However, I am saying that a college degree is now over saturated and considered the base, therefore even for entry level jobs to stand out from the crowd one must actively pursue internships, externships, and networking events while in college.  This also helps solve the problem of having too many options.  How many of us know what we want to do for the rest of our lives at the ages of 18-21.  Trade schools for example are extremely focused on one skill set, so even if you decide you do not wish to pursue that trade you still possess the skills to earn money in that field.  A college degree is not specific enough to provide you with direct opportunities, therefore, it’s incredibly important to prioritize opportunities while in school to not only stand out from the crowd but also discover what you wish to or don’t wish to pursue.  America has a real problem with college graduates being either underqualified or overqualified in that one is usually pushed to settle.  However, just because the chips are stacked against you doesn’t give you an excuse to remain stagnant.  Let’s review some of the negatives with regard to college: potential to go into debt, oversaturated market making college degrees less valuable and more of the standard, potential to get lost and struggle to find your path/career, and finally strain on mental health.  Additionally, the demands of attending college itself.  The stress builds up fast.  There’s pressure to perform.  The consequences could be losing your scholarship, failing out, legal troubles, or making poor decisions all of which society shames.  So is it surprising mental health is finally becoming a real problem in this country considering the roller coaster of college makes no guarantees you’ll be in a better spot then before you started and then social media is the cherry on top.  Social media makes it too easy to get sucked into the art of comparison, often called the thief of joy.   I struggle with this as well but let’s really break it down.  We live one life; do you really want to spend it sad that you’re not where others are or trying to emulate someone else.  I’ll come back to this thought that in everyday life no one really cares about what you are doing, everyone is selfish in that they are concerned with their own life.  So then why are we spending the time on social media to dwell on others’ lives rather than focus on our own.  We all die one day, might as well spend it doing what your heart desires and not giving a shit about the thoughts of others.  You are more likely to succeed if it’s what you truly want to do!  So now that I’ve gone on this long without actually outright addressing the question let’s get into it.  Is College “Worth It”?  A common lawyer answer is “it depends.”  If you are pursuing your passion or have an idea of the direction you want to go, then I’d say college is a great option.  But the caveat with that is that I’d say before and during college you should be shadowing or working internships in your chosen field to know that you enjoy it enough to be able to persevere when struggles arise and can envision a path to success.  Additionally, it’s not a bad idea to look at the job opportunities in the field to see what the monetary prospects are in terms of a future career.  The other side of the coin is if you are not sure you want to attend college or don’t know what you want to do then I would advise against attending college.  In today’s world there are endless opportunities, I mean consider that some influencers are making more than doctors.  Why go into debt to pursue something you don’t want and may never use.  Use that money to either go to a trade school where you receive an actual translatable skill or invest in yourself to gain knowledge in what you wish to pursue.  College degrees have become oversaturated in today’s society and you need to provide additional value to stand out from the crowd.  Therefore, a college degree alone is NOT a guaranteed path to success.  On a positive note, with the internet and social media being able to reach people around the world you have limitless potential to pursue whatever you wish. 

This is where I’ll bring you some value.  News flash there’s going to be people more successful than you just like there’s going to be people that look up to you.  Guess what who gives a shit?!  Do you think the most successful people in the world spent time thinking about what other people are doing?  Of course not, because you can only control what you do.  Now it’s easy enough for me to say some cliché statement like make every second count but that’s not why I’m writing this.  I’m writing this for anyone out there that is not where they want to be.  What usually holds us back from reaching our goals?  Take a second and answer that question.  It’s us, it’s always been us.  And let me be the first person to say that I understand whatever your answer is.  Well, I have to take care of my kids, I have to work 18 hour days, I barely sleep, I’m stressed, I have to care for my parents, I’m dealing with a disability or disease. Listen I hear you!  What you are going through is 100% valid and anyone who acts dismissive screw them!!!  Life is tough, we all go through tough times, and each person deals with them in their own way.  But, I can tell you the one trait that every successful person has in common is that they don’t make excuses.  Some people are dealt worse hands than others, but won’t it make it that much sweeter when you break through and succeed!  I mean we only live one life after all.  No one cares about the excuses at the end of your life, simply what you did or did not do.  I genuinely want each and every one of you reading this to get to a better place and believe in yourself, because you CAN do it!  Go accomplish your goals!  Here’s some tried and true tips that I’ve been compiling from the many hardships and failures I’ve endured…

1. Admit your wrong. (Take responsibility for whatever you need to.  Do you need to apologize?  Do you need to do more?  Do you need to stop making excuses?)

• Be positive. (Simple to say yet, extremely difficult to live!  Are you going to have days where everything goes wrong and you’re losing your shit?  Yes, that will happen.  All I’m saying is instead of raging or complaining to someone forever try to be a little bit better and make the negative phase at least 1% shorter.  Set a time limit for your complaining, force yourself to smile, play music you like, talk to someone who makes you happy, as a last resort sometimes an energy drink or something sugary can help but I’m not advocating binging something unhealthy either)

• Make a routine and focus on discipline. (If you don’t write in a planner then maybe try it.  Whatever your goal is write it down and come up with a plan to get there, but that needs to be consistent.  Discipline and routine are the keys to perfecting consistency.  A routine is essentially your daily schedule (what do you do the same every day?).  Discipline is having the ability to do the hard shit you don’t want to do (we’ve all made a list of things to do for the day and the worst one gets pushed to the next day because fuck that.  Yes, I feel it because again I’ve done it and guess what that’s going to happen and that’s ok.  We live in these extremes like you can’t make a mistake!  You messed up, now look at number 1, admit your wrong take responsibility and do better tomorrow.  Think about what you did get done!  Now look at number 2, be positive, and be fucking proud of yourself.)

• Motivation in moderation.  As an athlete some of the motivational videos I watch give me chills.  I get pumped up!!!  But that energy rush has to come down at some point and now I no longer have the will to keep up that production.  Therefore, motivation can be a great tool but what it really comes down to is just having discipline to do the shit you don’t want to do. Fun fact:  when you actually do finally accomplish the task that you’ve been putting off it feels amazing.  So, for all of you college students procrastinating until the last minute because without the deadline how would shit get done? I’m telling you if you did it earlier, you’d feel so proud and happy.  Now I don’t expect you to actually do that because screw that right.  But there’s this weird addictive thing that happens when you start to do the things that are hardest, and you feel this sense of accomplishment so you keep going.  That is when you turn a corner, and you level up into a better version of yourself.  Why do you think all of these rich people say well I just become addicted to success/money and just wanted more and more of it because it became so fun.  Routine and discipline will lead you to the success.

• Exercise and eat healthy.  This actually influences how you feel and your energy levels a lot more than many people think.  Ever gotten into a rut where you feel depressed and all you want to do is stay in bed for days?  What do you eat?  Usually one indulges in unhealthy choices (ice cream, chips, candy, etc.) because you want that rush of dopamine and to feel better.  Surprisingly, it seems counter-intuitive but by eating healthy and getting up you are slowly getting yourself out of the rut and setting your body up to thrive.  Now in no way is this easy but at least knowing that if it gets bad making yourself get up and move and maybe have a smoothie could make all the difference to getting back on track.

Stage of Life

I think we believe that we should have our life together “by now.” But in  reality, there are 50 year olds, 60 year olds, 70 year olds, and even older adults  who still don’t have their life together. In America, we lean toward the capitalistic  society in that we want to be at this specific milestone or own this by a certain  date. I’m extremely guilty of this and therefore wanted to address my own life  experience and research to provide some help. Often the stress and pressure we  place on ourselves puts us in a frozen state. You’ve probably heard the terms  decision fatigue or analysis paralysis. I find these to be on point in that if you’re  racing to get to where you want to go you’re either going to be sloppy and end up  in the wrong place or overthink to avoid making the wrong decision and instead  remain stagnant. So how does one remedy this? The simple basic answer which  you’ve probably heard a million times is to slow down and be grateful for what  you do have, relieving some of the pressure because most likely you’re in a better  spot than you give yourself credit for. This is true, and you should come from a  mindset of abundance and positive thinking, but the actual helpful answer is to fail  forward. I am very much a dreamer but sometimes lacking the doing part. So, the  people who may actually be less prepared or not as smart as others are the ones  actually succeeding simply because of effort. Assuming one is able to reflect on  their actions and teach themselves new skills then one’s accomplishments are  limitless. All you have to do is ACT! Take action and do the best you can. Oh  you failed, fix it and do better. Failed again, ok take note of the mistakes and try  again. By taking action pursuing one’s goals you will discover a path to success.  Now I’m not saying it will be easy nor am I saying you’ll find that path after a  certain period of time. There’s no set timeline of success but every millionaire,  entrepreneur, CEO, doctor, lawyer, etc you wish to emulate or you look up to all  failed and learned along the way. The main point I’m trying to make is that the  secret ingredient is in the work. All of the work and grinding behind the scenes is  what makes someone truly great. Yes, Michael Jordan is the GOAT but do you  think he was just gifted with natural talent. What about Tom Brady? Clearly, by Tom’s physique coming out of college and into the NFL you can tell he was  sculpted by the gods and chosen to be the one (sarcasm for non-football people). I  mean it simply came down to both desiring to be the best and doing the things that  others wouldn’t, never settling. They chose to wake up every day and perfect their  craft regardless of how they felt. Now that takes a lot of dedication… But in today’s society people want easy, including me. If you want to become rich,  invent something that makes it easier on humans. Examples are planes, cars, cell  phones, facetime, WhatsApp, uber, uber eats, steamer, air fryer, etc. I probably  missed some obvious examples but you get the gist. The caveat to knowing this is  we can predict where civilization is trending, towards automation and essentially  less working and more laziness. Now I’m not necessarily saying this as a negative  or trying to bring doom and gloom but rather to highlight that people DON’T want  to put in the work. We are at the laziest as a society (no offense me included), which means it’s the easiest it’s ever been to outwork the crowd. I wanted to write  this article to put my thoughts on paper and hopefully provide valuable insights.  But also, to motivate others and find common struggles. I’m not writing this  telling you to become the next David Goggins but rather shining light on the fact  that you can accomplish whatever you wish to. I’m not saying it will be easy but  rather you’d be surprised how quickly you can level up by simply taking action and failing forward. The one hurdle is the embarrassment of failure. Personally, I  used to be so concerned with looking or sounding dumb. I still am to an extent but  here’s what I’ve learned. Number 1 people don’t give a shit about you. Think  about if you witnessed something embarrassing happening to someone today? If  you did do you care that it was embarrassing? No, because it didn’t effect you!  Will you remember it a week from now? Most likely not. But I hear you I hear  you, having to see your friends or family or community members after doing  something embarrassing or failing is torture. 20 years from now do you think you  will be happy, care, or even remember that you avoided doing something so you  wouldn’t be embarrassed. NO! But do you think 20 years from now you would  regret not chasing your dreams and jumping at the opportunity to be successful  simply to avoid being embarrassed? YES! Humans are selfish and self-centered  and guess what that’s natural, it is our one life after all. So be selfish because in 20  years, you will be the only person that has to look yourself in the mirror and say  this is the life I’ve built for myself. Let the doubters doubt and the haters hate because guess what it’s you vs. you! Not where you want to be? Not happy with  your life? Well then make a plan and start today. You won’t be perfect and you’ll  make mistakes but you’ll learn a hell of a lot faster by trying and failing then  waiting until the stars align.  I hope you enjoyed reading this article and I plan to continue to publish  articles every Saturday starting August 3^rd. Also, while I’m discovering what topics I’ll cover I’d like to stay in the realm of college, sports, mental health, and success.